i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
