You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wish there were birth control emojis
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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