I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
