So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
