this is something i pride myself on being below average for
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
