spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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