i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
