Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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