the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
sarcasm needs its own font
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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