The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
