I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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