): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
