The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
