Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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