so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
