I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
