I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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