I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize