really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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