and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
