Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
