One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
