so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
