so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
