I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I skipped work to stalk him.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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