Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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