hotel room ftw
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
