I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
