I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
