Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
