I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
