I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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