help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
