I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
