I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
