R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
