So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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