i just had sex bonerless
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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