we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
