so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
