No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
