i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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