the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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