Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
