it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
