I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
