I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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