Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
