She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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