Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
