why didn't you poke me back
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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