i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
